I’ve been running for over 25 years.
In sleet, snow, mud, rain, hail, wind, heat advisories and alligator parks.
I’ve run in joy…and in grief.
In panic…and in celebration.
In prayer…and in hope.
I’ve run in love…and in anger.
In solitude…and in community.
In Alaska and Mexico and almost every state in between.
I’ve run road races and trails, sand and mud, rattlesnake territory and sunrise trails.
In bare feet and homemade sandals, in the latest and greatest trainers.
I’ve run with a broken toe, a pulled ab, a torn shoulder.
I’ve even run while 38 weeks pregnant.
And yet…I still get imposter syndrome.
Baaaad.
There are times when I’ll see another runner doing something that I’m not doing, and I’ll start to panic and doubt myself. Are they the “real” runner on the trail and should I be doing what they’re doing?
Should I have brought my camelback?
Should I have left the camelback at home?
Did I get up here too late? Too early?
Am I running too fast? Too slow? Too far? Not far enough?
Usually, my brain will just tell itself to “shut up and run”. Which normally works. But last week, I let the old noodle wander and spent some time ruminating on what determines a “real runner”.
Is it mileage? Dedication? Time? Pace? Weight, height, size, age? Is it years of experience? Number of PR’s? The bib collection from 5ks, 10ks, marathons? Is it ultra marathon status?
When do I get to call myself a “real” runner?
In the midst of this brain meander, I was researching 14’ers and came across a Facebook post written by a man from the Pacific North West (PWN). I’m paraphrasing, but in his opinion “Because most Colorado 14’ers have established routes and trails, they’re essentially a walk in the park.” He continued to opine that folks shouldn’t be nearly as proud of themselves for summiting a 14’er as they were and that “real” mountaineering could only be found in the PNW…at 6,000 feet to 10,000 feet, where bushwhacking and trailblazing was a mandatory part of wayfinding to the summit. (I have no idea if that’s true or not, btw.)
My first reaction was that this guy was an uneducated jackass.
While Colorado 14’ers do have established routes, which help protect the extremely fragile tundra ecosystem, they’re hardly “a walk in the park”. Ask anyone who’s summited and they’ll tell you about the ridiculously early wake up, the long mileage, the gain in elevation, the altitude, the exposure, the solitude, the lack of cell service and emergency access, the wayfinding and the meticulous attention to the clouds rolling in.
Folks hoping to summit do so knowing they may encounter altitude sickness, lightning, electrical storms, wind, sleet, snow, hail, rain, mud, ice, exposure, and some rock scrambling, all while knowing they are ultimately responsible for their own well being.
14’ers are an entire category of hiking and trail running unlike any other. Even the “easy” ones can take some serious work.
In one fell sweep, this dude’s comment just completely negated all of the work, training, fitness and mental strength that it takes to summit a 14’er.
Reading through the comments and his replies, I realized 2 things.
1) This dude was the epitome of gatekeeping.
Folks couldn’t be real mountaineers or hikers unless they met his standards.
They shouldn’t feel proud or excited about their accomplishments, which had absolutely nothing to do with him, because they didn’t meet thearbitrary standards that he’d just made up. LAME.
And
2) This ridiculous illogical gatekeeping is EXACTLY what our brains do to us when they slip into imposter syndrome.
Our brain goes into douchey gatekeeper mode and tells us that all of the work, training, time, and effort we’ve put into something doesn’t matter, because well…there’s some arbitrary reason why that probably doesn’t even make sense.
My second reaction, was recognizing that this dude’s behavior was EXACTLY how I was treating my running practice and it made me feel super icky.
If 25 years and thousands of miles doesn’t make me a runner, then what does?
What are those arbitrary, bushwhacking, wayfinding markers that I’ve been holding myself to? And why? What benefit do they serve? How do they serve me?
Are they really just holding me back from a stellar running experience?
Or like this dude, are my thoughts putting limits on celebrating my awesome experiences and achievements just because they’re not good enough (on a super stupid and arbitrary scale that doesn’t even exist)?
What are those arbitrary, bushwhacking, wayfinding markers that you’ve been holding yourself to?
What benefit do they serve? How do they serve you? Are they really just holding you back from a stellar experience in whatever it is that you love to do?
Or like that annoying gatekeeper dude, are your thoughts putting limits on celebrating your awesome experiences and achievements because they’re not good enough (on a super stupid and arbitrary scale that doesn’t even exist)?
Can we clean up those gatekeeping imposter syndrome thoughts and commit to “I do the thing, therefore I am the thing”?
Can we commit to celebrating our wins, no matter how small or no matter who’s doing it better?
As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this! Shoot me a text, email or let’s talk about it at your next Pilates or Stretch session.